Argumenti Smartassereth
by Joey the Freaking Potterhead
Summary: Boredom had set in for Harry during his free period, he strutted as Snape called it about the corridor looking for something to do. His boredom turns to amusement when from a few feet in front of him he hears, "Alright Scarhead?"
1. An Alright Scarhead

_This story is in no way picking at gay people, just saying honestly, and truthfully, me being, what people would say gay myself (transexual) I decided to turn _

_this bicker that broke out in role-play into a fan-fic- why? Because I do this. I found it interesting, Harry having a smart-arse mood and who should show up but _

_Draco. Do not read if you're going to get offended. As I said; it isn't offensive to me because Harry is indeed straight, Draco... well I question him after this. To _

_those reading; hope you all enjoy. :D _

* * *

Harry was casually walking down the corridor aimlessly; it was a toss-up of where he wanted to go; having a free period, he could either head off to the lake to hang

out with someone or he could verse Ron in Wizard's Chess or even go see Dumbledore who he hadn't spoke to for a while, he stopped halfway down and stopped,

someone had called out to him,

"Alright Scarhead?" he knew the voice instantly and feeling in a rather smart-arse mood decided he wouldn't have to worry about his boredom anymore.

Harry looked at him, his arms folded, legs crossed, as he leant coolly against the wall. "Brilliant actually, Ferret breath." he smirked.

Malfoy scoffed, "Ferret breath? I'm sure my hygiene is far superior to those of yours and Weasels. At least I can afford good toothpaste." he retorted, returning Harry's

smirk.

Harry scowled at this, "at least I don't turn into a ferret every time I see a teacher." He smirked, "or get beat up by girls because I cry when they hold me up at wand-

point." he jeered. "Actually we don't need toothpaste; we have this thing called magic. Have you ever heard of it?"

Malfoy scowled at him, Harry could see this was going to grow interesting. "Maybe you misheard me, Potter. I never said I used toothpaste; I just assumed the

Weasels would, seeing they're such muggle-lovers." His lip curled at the thought of being beaten up by Hermione Granger just last year. "And your mud-blood girlfriend

didn't beat me up." He scoffed and folded his arms.

Harry sneered, "So why mention toothpaste then? RON is a wizard, you know? Or have you never heard of one?" he felt anger boil inside him, no one _ever _called

Hermione a mud-blood nor insult how little money the Weasley family had. "My BEST FRIEND _did _beat you up, not too long ago actually." he grinned, feeling somewhat

cheeky through the rage bubbling up inside him.

Malfoy's eyes narrowed, reminding Harry of a ferret that'd just woken up from a long sleep. "I mentioned toothpaste because the Weasels are such blood traitors, and

leave Granger out of this. She didn't beat me up." It seemed to Harry scowling and smirking were the only things Draco knew to do, as he once again scowled.

Harry couldn't help but grin, "Oh sorry; it must have been a _different _Malfoy" he said and mumbled, "Your father perhaps?"Harry glared at him. "Just because you're a

pure-blood" he mumbled out of ears reach, "if you even are one." He hoped Malfoy didn't hear his mumbles otherwise the great war of Hogwarts would break out right

there and then because Malfoy's father would definitely hear about this. "It doesn't make you any different, you know? We're all witches and wizards no matter what

our blood status is. Even Voldemort was muggle born." he said matter-of-factly.

Malfoy ground his teeth, reminding Harry of a ferret more-so. "The Dark Lord is a half-blood, Potter... fine Granger _may _have punched me." He said as he rolled his eyes,

still looking at Harry.

Harry sniggered, "I know he is, but a _half-blood_, apparently disgusting to your eyes." He grinned, with knowledge that he was stirring the ferret up, and mumbled,

"Perhaps show courage and say his name." He smiled and conjured a chair against the wall, and sat in it, sprawling himself out as he leant back, his hands rested

behind his head in a boss-like manner. "Blimey Malfoy, you can't even admit Hermione beat you up when I saw it." He sniggered.

Malfoy's eyes once again narrowed, again looking like the sick ferret he was, "getting comfortable are we?" he asked, as he strutted up to Harry and knocked his arm

away from his head support. "I admit Granger punched me, Potter not that she beat me up though." he said, rolling his eyes.

Harry, who had fallen sideways a little, his arm hung lazily over the armrest while it played support for his head, laughed, "Is that the best you can do, Malfoy? Thanks

for moving me into a comfier position, I was just thinking about moving actually but apparently you decided to pay me that favour." He grinned. "It sounds better when

I say Hermione beat you up. It shows everyone she _is _more brilliant than we think. Oh wait; I shouldn't say _everyone_ because you and your cheerleading squad thinks

differently over something we all have- blood." He sniggered under his breath, "if you even have blood, with your paleness."

Malfoy's lip curled, Harry sniggered at this, as he was reminded of an angry ferret. "Shut up, Potter!" he yelled, as though he was defending the fact that Crabbe and

Goyle _were _his cheerleading squad. He reached for Harry's tie and yanked it. "Am I making you more comfortable now?" he growled.

Harry simply laughed, "If someone were to see us right now, they would definitely think things." He grinned with a bit of a wink.

He couldn't help but laugh as Malfoy's eyes widened. He let go of Harry's tie and stumbled back. "You would love that wouldn't you, Potter?" he smirked as he strutted

back towards him.

Harry couldn't help but continue to snigger at Malfoy's reaction. "Would you like me to love it?" he grinned. "Of course I wouldn't; nothing against gays of course but I

like my women and I certainly don't shag ferrets." He winked and watched as Malfoy strutted back. "Oh coming back for more are we?" he sniggered, rather amused.

Malfoy cocked an eyebrow, "Your women?" he thought for a moment, "what... girl weasel?" he laughed coldly. "Perhaps I would like you to, but my ulterior motive would

only be to torment you; nothing more." He smirked, in Harry's opinion, rather seductively. "Do you _want _me to come back for more?" he said, as he played with Harry's

tie, yanking it painfully.

Harry sniggered, if it hurt when Malfoy yanked his tie; he didn't show it that's for sure. "Really Malfoy?" he asked amused by this, "I've been with more girls than you

could possibly imagine." Now it was his turn to cock an eyebrow at Malfoy. "Are you coming onto me, now Malfoy?" he asked coolly with a slight snigger.


	2. Draco the Helpless Hanging Ferret

Malfoy held his head high as he looked at Harry who was still lying on the chair, in the same position he'd been in when Malfoy moved his arm, the only thing that had

changed was Harry had now crossed his legs over, his head in his palm with his arm resting on the arm of the chair.

"You'd also be surprised at what a Malfoy does... right under your nose." Malfoy smirked, "No, Potter. I am not coming onto you." he said as he pulled Harry up to his feet.

Harry grinned, "I don't want to know." He thought to himself; "With how he's acting right now." He stood up coolly, "thanks for the help up, Malfoy; you really are helping

me out here, first moving me into comfort then saving my energy by helping me to my feet to stand up to you." He grinned. "It would have been wastes of energy if he

hadn't have helped me." He mumbled, smirking to himself. "Well that's good you're not coming onto me, otherwise we'd have problems wouldn't we?"

Malfoy quirked an eyebrow at him, whether he'd heard Harry's mumble or not wasn't known, Malfoy forcefully pushed Harry into the chair, where Harry fell to the floor. He

lifted himself to his knees and sniggered. "That's all he has?" he thought.

"Problems..?" Malfoy asked, "What sort of problems, Potter?" he asked and knelt down so he was eye-level with Harry.

Harry pulled himself up to his feet and pulled his wand out from his robes, he gave it a flick and watched with a grin as Malfoy flipped upside down and rose ten feet into

mid-air, hanging upside-down. He gave a satisfied nod and took a few steps down the corridor before turning his head, "How's that?" he asked and continued to slowly

walk, secretly waiting to see what Malfoy's reply would be.

He almost doubled over laughing when Malfoy cried out, "Potter! Let me down now!" as he struggled to get himself down.

Harry couldn't help but to snigger when he heard the cries of the helpless ferret. He couldn't help but double over when he heard Malfoy cry out, "I WASN'T COMING ONTO

YOU, POTTER!" he continued to moan and cry for Harry to come back, though he was just a few feet away.

Finally controlling his laughter, he casually called back, "I know this but it might teach you to respect muggles, and the Weasley's. Especially in front of me." he sniggered.

"Promise to leave them and me and alone and I will let you down." He said coolly as he started to walk back to Malfoy.

"I promise I will leave you alone, Potter." He said, folding his arms. "I'm getting a head rush!" Harry almost fell over laughing as Malfoy's face flushed red. It was the

first time he'd ever seen colour in his face.

"What about the muggle-borns?" Harry jeered. Malfoy gave a bit of a nod, enough to satisfy Harry at least; he sniggered and flicked his wand to let him down. "Good

boy." Harry crooned, petting Malfoy on his slick and greasy head and started to walk off as though nothing happened. "He would be a good friend if he wasn't so up

himself." Harry thought, thinking of how much he could get away with tormenting him.

There was a loud THUD as Malfoy fell headfirst into the floor; he scurried to his feet and rubbed his head with a groan. "Potter!" he called angrily, "You better come back

here!" he yelled as he stormed after Harry and shoved him.

Harry laughed as Malfoy pushed him to the side, almost into the wall. He gained his balance and nudged him back. "Alright there, Malfoy?" he sneered.

"No I am not, Potter!" Malfoy snapped. "My face is red and I am awful dizzy!" he added sounding like a cranky toddler as he shoved Harry into the wall.


	3. Playing nicely

The worst thing one can do for their enemies is to smile and be kind to them after a run-in like the one Malfoy and Harry were having, Harry smiled at Malfoy and

handed him a potion, "here drink this." he said, his tone casual. He laughed as Malfoy threw him into the wall and pushed himself off it. He was used to hugging walls

like this. "Seriously drink that." He said again, pointing to the potion. He knew it would make Malfoy feel better for next class.

Malfoy's eyes narrowed, he didn't drink it. "How do I know it isn't some sort of potion to make me blue or break out in boils or something?" he pouted, took hold of

Harry and pinned him to the wall with one hand as he inspected the potion.

Harry looked at him and smiled weakly, deep down trying hard to hold off a grin; if there was one thing Malfoy hated more, it was Harry 'trying' to make friends with

him; he knew this which was why most of his time would be spent 'trying to get on Malfoy's good side,' of course it was only to piss him off; no other reason. "It isn't,

really. I figured it would help your head. You're not _really _an enemy; just someone who I like to troll." He grinned to himself knowing full well he'd reached his goal.

Malfoy gazed from the potion to Harry and cocked his thin blonde eyebrow again, "excuse me?" he said, his tone rather cold. "Someone who _you _decided to troll?" he

scowled. "Remind me again who started our hate 'relationship.'" He said, making a rabbit ear motion with his fingers as he said 'relationship.' There was a small pause.

"_Me_, Potter and don't you forget it!" he growled and pushed Harry against the wall forcefully.

Harry, although forced against the wall couldn't stop himself from cracking up with laughter, "so you just _want _ to hate me without once attempting to actually try know

me?" he laughed. "I'm cool with this." He added and spread his arms across the wall, and gave it a long hug.

Malfoy rolled his eyes at this, "yes, Potter. You're infuriating enough without knowing you." Right as he said this, Harry's heart gave a happy leap. Malfoy stepped closer

to him and pushed him hard into the wall, Harry grunted slightly as he deliberately continued to hug it.

"Well I'm glad someone is." Harry grinned. "Do you want me to become a brick?" he smirked still hugging the corridor wall.

Malfoy apparently ignored his question, "I couldn't help but picking up on your comment though, Potter." Malfoy said suddenly, causing Harry to let go of the wall and

look at him partly curious yet amused. "Does little Harry Potter want to become friends with Draco?" he smiled patronisingly.

Harry burst out laughing, "When did I say that?"

To Harry's delight, Malfoy looked impatiently at him, as he bit his own lip, "seems like you're a sentimental, Potter." Malfoy smirked.

Harry grinned, "Biting your own lip is the first sign of wanting a kiss you know?" he sniggered.

Malfoy opened his mouth in outrage, "I- Potter! Are you implying you want to kiss... _you_?" he gave an apparent shudder, which to Harry's amusement didn't look all that

real. "In your dreams." He added.

"In yours." Harry muttered. "Catching flies are we?" He sniggered. "Are _you_ implying that _I _want to kiss you?" he said, emphasising he and Malfoy greatly. "No." He said

coolly. "I would never dream of that, nor would I ever want to. It was sort of scaring me that _you_ seemed as though you wanted to kiss _Me_." he said in his casual tone,

emphasising himself and Malfoy once more.

Malfoy rolled his eyes, "well it would seem." He smirked. "As if you were paying a lot of attention to my lips to notice I was biting it; an alternate sign for wanting to kiss

someone." He said, "It looks as though your ridiculous theory is counterproductive, Potter. He added as he folded his arms and glared at Harry with a quirked eyebrow.

"Counterproductive makes me think things." Harry sniggered to himself. He smirked, "sorry Malfoy but no." He paused for dramatic effect, "I know you want me to kiss

you and all, otherwise you wouldn't have bitten your lip in that obvious manner." It was his turn to quirk his eyebrow at Malfoy as he gazed at him with much

satisfaction of his tormenting. "You do look rather pretty today, Malfoy with your slicked back hair." He sniggered, his tone feminine.

Malfoy glared at him, "believe what you must, Potter but if you're so intent upon thinking that." He said, with much frustrated impatience to his tone. "Oh and thanks

Potter!" he smirked sarcastically. "I can't say the same about your bird nest though." Malfoy scowled, looking at Harry's unruly-in-his-eyes hair.

Once again the game of "glare at each other" commenced as Harry glared at Malfoy. "I don't believe it; I wonder it," he retorted knowingly and grinned. "No worries at

all, Malfoy... my bird's nest? Ohh... you mean my hair...!" He said, stretching his words out as though he'd just caught on to what Malfoy was talking about. "Yeah well...

you know... a bit of sex hair can't really hurt anyone now can it?" he winked.

"Sex hair, Potter?" Malfoy asked, amused. "It's not like you're getting any... Besides it would take a _lot _to achieve _that _mess." He said as he frowned disapprovingly at it.

Harry looked rather amused at this, "Oh really...?" he asked, sarcastically interested. "...and how is that you know if I'm getting any or not?" he paused apparently

giving Malfoy a chance to reply, "Well... exactly my point- at least I'm not lazy." He grinned.


	4. Sex Hair VS Ferret Fur

Malfoy quirked an eyebrow once again at Harry, one thing Malfoy hated was being called lazy. "I'm not lazy, if that's what you're implying." He smirked. "I just don't let

them touch my hair." He added as he ran his fingers through his smooth hair, "it's too precious to be messed up."

It was Harry's turn to quirk an eyebrow, "and you're positive you're not gay?" he mumbled. He looked at Malfoy and sniggered, "oh because you wouldn't want to mess

up your _perfect _hair now would you?" he said in a posh feminine voice, also with hints of sarcasm. "If you're as good as I am in bed then you wouldn't be able to help

but have some awesome sex hair." He sneered, ruffled his hair a little more and winked. "Oh... Draco, by the way, Darling." he had to pause for effect. "You just messed

your own hair up then." he sniggered.

Malfoy messed his own hair up some more, this time deliberately. "Why...?" he asked, in more of a sneer than anything. "Do you like my hair messy, Potter?" he

smirked, "Oh and I let whoever I am in bed with concentrate on _other _areas than my hair." He sniggered.

"Well _you_ mustn't do much work then if you can't mess your hair up at the slightest?" Harry grinned and folded his arms in a boss-manner. "Blimey Malfoy- I thought you

said you _weren't _lazy but if you let the other concentrate on _your _parts, other than theirs... well..." Harry smirked. "Your hair will always look like a ferret's fur to me; just

this time it doesn't look like drowned-ferret fur." He winked. "It just looks more... fluffy to me, at the same time very stiff. Like a ferret that's been... I don't know..." he

paused apparently trying to think. "Waxed or something?" he said coolly.

Malfoy sneered and whacked Harry's hands away as Harry tried to ruffle it again just to piss him off, "Potter, just because _you _want to see my hair like this in your odd

fantasies doesn't mean I'm going to let you ruffle it up." he flattened his hair down as he said this. "My hair is not ferrety... or fluffy." he added.

Harry couldn't help but crack up at his last words, "What's wrong Malfoy?" he sniggered, "shy of me now are you? What fantasies? Admitting something there, are

you?" he grinned, "you ruffled your own hair up... what? Trying to show off are we?" he chuckled, "to me it is... and it was fluffy until you made it all smooth again; now

it just looks all thinned out."

Malfoy narrowed his eyes and ruffled his hair back up, "Potter; I think we've already established that I like showing off." he smirked and took a step towards Harry.

"And no. I do not have fantasies about you." he folded his arms which reminded Harry of an angry ferret. "I already know this... but I am curious to whyyou're showing

off to _me_." Harry said, "it would seem as though you're trying to show me how sexy you are, in hope that

I find you impressive or something... very awkward if you ask me, considering you know very well I am straight." He reminded himself of Lupin or one of the other staff

lecturing Malfoy.

Malfoy smirked and cocked his head. "So you agree that I'm sexy?" he asked, "are you impressed, Potter?" he sniggered, ruffling his hair some more.

"So you _do _want to impress me? I knew you were _trying _to show off to me... but I'm sorry to say, Malfoy but you're failing epically." Harry smirked to himself, "I am also

sorry to say that I am straight... even if I _were _to be gay, I certainly wouldn't find _you _impressive. You don't think I'd find an arse impressive do you? They just something

shit comes out of; oh wait; we're talking about you aren't we? Well it's the same thing; you like to dribble shit." He sniggered in knowledge that he'd just said perhaps

the most legendary words someone could ever say to a Malfoy. "You're flaunting something you only _wish _you had." he grinned, "I know you're only seeking attention

and _want _me to say you're sexy so you can go along and fantasize but it isn't going to happen." With that said, he sprawled himself on the sofa, his legs dangled lazily

over the sides with his arms rested behind his head.

Malfoy scoffed at Harry's words then smirked, "Here you go again, _Potter_." Malfoy said, spitting Harry's name venomously. "Over-thinking things. For starters; I am _not _

gay, however much you may wish I was." he said coolly, "secondly; you're far too much in the defensive as I am just _showing off_. Then again... don't I always do so?

Perhaps we've hit a loose nerve Potter?" he snarled.

Harry simply laughed, "Here we go again, _Malfoy_." he teased in a mocking tone, ensuring he spat Malfoy's name in the same mocking tone. "Back into _you _thinking I am

gay; are you sure you're not? Bi-sexual, perhaps?" he'd become rather bored of picking on Malfoy about whether he were gay or not but found it rather amusing the

answers Malfoy would reply with. "So what if I were gay, would you hate me more would you? Homophobic are we?" he said casually. 'Ha! I really know how to piss him

off.' He thought to himself and sniggered, "No... You haven't hit a loose nerve; just that I don't like those who show-off when they've nothing to exactly... show off." he

said and winked.


	5. Owned

Malfoy's eyes narrowed and he groaned in frustration, "Why are you so intent on getting to admit I am gay? I'm not interested, Potter." with that said, he folded his arms and smirked.

Harry sniggered at Malfoy's frustration; he knew he was winning; he hoped for Malfoy's frustration to increase and it had, it was obvious to Harry and he loved it. "To see if you hate gays as much as you hate muggle-borns." he said simply. His idea was to teach Malfoy muggle-born hatred was the same as gay-hate; if he could get Malfoy to admit he had nothing against gays; he could then ask Malfoy what the difference was and completely stump him. Harry stopped his thoughts for a moment and scoffed, "_you _have plenty to show off? Yeah? What? That you can turn into a ferret every now and then?" he sniggered.

Malfoy narrowed his eyes again, "at least I don't go parading my scar around like I'm a martyr." Malfoy scowled, "and I have nothing against gays." he looked around as though he were either afraid to admit this or he'd hid the actual truth- Harry, of course saw straight through this.

"Oh... don't you just?" Harry smirked, "then why the..." he paused and pretended to think, "Oh I don't know... the suspicious no-keeping eye contact then, eh? Besides if you like gays; why then do you hate muggle-borns? Same thing isn't it?" he said with a knowing glance towards Malfoy. He looked at Malfoy once he'd said about his scar, and almost burst out laughing, "The thing about that is..." he said as he sat up on the sofa and leaned back, with his legs sprawled out in front of him. "You don't have a scar- if you did; I am sure you would show it off; I actually try to hide mine if you haven't noticed." he almost laughed as he said this. 'Besides- at least I have something to be famous _for _and have actually done good for Hogwarts and the safety of others; unlike this git.' He thought to himself with a smirk. He knew he'd won.

Malfoy opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it again; it was a good thing for Harry that he had class soon and was bored with arguing with Malfoy. "My father will hear about this, Potter." he snapped and strutted down the hall.

Harry knew Lucius would definitely never hear the end of how Harry had won an argument with Malfoy; not only that, but also left him in mid-air. He sniggered to himself, "sooky ferret" and walked down the hall to catch up with Hermione and Ron for their next class.


End file.
